(no subject)

[chibi_oniyuri]

Registration for next semester done. I'm bumping up from 11 to 17 hours and keeping my original work schedule. We'll see if I can manage or not.

I was supposed to be off tomorrow, but my dad talked my boss into guilt-tripping me to work, despite my plans of sleeping off the deficit I earned with late-night cramming. I'm fast approaching the burnout point, but my dad's philosophy is "time in leisure is time wasted". Or maybe "work at all times", or something along those lines.

Sometimes, I hate working with my dad.

At least my boss is letting me come in at 0900 instead of 0700. That's a break for me.

Well. night all.

Comments

[la-librarienne.livejournal.com]

ouch. My dad only jokes about doing stuff like that.
Usually after a really tough day, of course.
To try to be amusing.
I can at least smile, even if it does get old.

[lonely-tora.livejournal.com]

Ahh. Yes. I get the "I was raised on a farm....up by dawn....homework by candlelight....no childhood....20 years in military...." speech. As you can tell, I blank out at parts. ^_^

I wish he was joking sometimes. It'd be easier. Though I do have to admit, it wasn't as bad as I make it out to be. I'm more the sort to complain about having to do it, but I don't mind doing it while I'm doing it. Now, I'll wait to see if the thought made the translation from mind to fingers correctly. I'm never really sure.

[la-librarienne.livejournal.com]

More a "this was not my idea and I want my protest on record," right?
_
_
That spiel sounds a bit like the bare bones of my Mom's life, actually. She brings it out when she wants it known how lucky we are, here and now, and usually as a lesson instead of a lecture, nowadays. Usually. This means it's still effective, at least for me, most of the time. She also does it in parts, and not too often or all at once, so I pay attention when she reminisces (though she has an ulterior motive). Considering my family's lack of subtlety (me included) I wonder how she came up with this tactic, and if she really realizes she's doing so. XD

Dad lectures even more often, though gently, advisedly, naggingly and concernedly. He's an extremely patient person, which is good because he is also tremendously inflexible in viewpoint. Somewhere there is a line, and he will disown one who crosses it. Regretfully, and giving chance after chance for redemption (though he'll never forget), but then I know he'd kick the offender out until he/she straightens up. We children live in (sometimes desperate) hope of his approval, and his guilt trips are first-rate. Looking up to my dad as I have, God as Father really comes alive for me. Old and New Testament, embodied. I love him, I just never want to be him.

*melancholic overthinking*

[la-librarienne.livejournal.com]

[coming back up, rereading: (warning?)here's where I begin giving some deep worries an outlet. er, I'm kinda sorry 'bout this...but I'm not deleting it--yet?--either.]

I have the loving family of the "American Dream," with two hardworking parents who've made it into the middle class and given their children more than either had, but that is difficult to live up to, and I think each of us kids, in different ways, struggle to deal with knowledge of this. Why is there never "easy?" It's also ridiculously fragile. We're so interdependent, injury to one injures all, and sooner or later (hopefully later) it must happen; we all fear to fall apart. Not even Sarah is beyond it, having started a family of her own with Matt, states away...because knowledge of her happiness holds me together, while I support Katie, who intercedes with me for our brother, who relies on ? and is what I describe as passively suicidal, meaning he enjoys very, very little, despises much of life, intends to die early, but will take no direct actions to do so. (He reassures me of this from time to time.) Katie is under constant high stress trying to get perfect grades, hold everything together, feels misunderstood, can't respect our parents esp in regards to handling our brother's attitude(and her own), and is usually getting much too little sleep. Sarah has gone through so many changes in the last couple years, she's hardly settled and needs things to stabilize: graduation from college, marriage, moving states with Matt for their first teaching jobs--in a tough area, no less--going through pregnancy there, having baby Sophia, leaving those jobs to go cross more state lines to a new job for Matt...she is doing well, last I've heard.
My Dad's health is worrisome, though understated in severity, and he's speaking of retirement more and more, trying to pass off jokingly the "whys" he can't, only making it more apparent that he really wants to. Mom stresses about outliving him, way too soon, and I found out her pushing for home improvements(my room is on this list)are so she's not alone fixing up the house for sale when he's gone, though I don't think she told that to anyone but me. She's also back in school to obtain more nursing licensure, trying to ameliorate future disaster. Even my relationship with my boyfriend adds worries, because I worry him and he's attached himself to me and I can't bring myself to do what it would take to drive him away, and can't decide whether or not I really want to.

This is why I spend most of my life living near the surface. It's happy there, and everything is currently going as well as can be expected. Opening up fully, or thinking ahead, involves pain, and I only do so to make sure I still have deeper feelings, or am in a mood like I am in right now. The evening off of work was nice, but now I've had too much time to think.

I hope none of the above-mentioned people find this. On the plus side, I've now pretty much caught you up in knowledge with my best of friends, though entirely unsolicited.

I felt like 'talking' and you're a heretofore responsive audience. Though I don't really require much response, I suppose, just a bit of listening.

I am a bit sorry to toss this at you, though. Don't wish me away, after so soon calling me friend? I think I needed this, and I don't, often.

Re: *melancholic overthinking*

[lonely-tora.livejournal.com]

Don't be sorry. In my small group of friends and my family, I'm the listener. I'm happy to give an ear to anyone who needs it, and you sounded like you needed it.

I may not have known you long, but I'm more than willing to lend an ear whenever you need it. Just so you know.